Daim Ntawv Thov Ua Haujlwm Testing.com

Kuv yuav piav qhia txog lub chaw haujlwm nrhiav neeg ua haujlwm lub neej nrog ib zaj dab neeg: Cov lus piv txwv ntawm Shithead.

Duab ib tug wideboy los ntawm ib co Essex dab dej dab - tag nrho cov swagger thiab hairgel. Cov tsiaj reptilian, tsis muaj txhua yam txuj ci, sociopathic tsis quav ntsej rau lwm tus. Kev tshaib kev nqhis, rau cov tsheb ceev thiab haum cov noog thiab gassy lager thiab cov nightclubs phem. Nws tau saib Tus Neeg Ua Haujlwm thiab finks nws paub tias kev lag luam wot yog abaat. Nws tau txais ib lub tsho ci ntsa iab thiab xyaum nws coj-kuv-tsim-ntsej muag hauv daim iav txhua hnub. Nws lub npe yuav yog Spencer lossis Kai, Nathan los yog Chardonnay, tab sis kuv yuav hu nws Shithead.

Shithead tus phooj ywg qhia nws txog txoj haujlwm ntawm nws lub chaw haujlwm. “Nws zoo ib yam li telesales koj tau ua txij thaum kawm ntawv. Koj tsuas yog ua kom cov tshuab computer tossers ua haujlwm lawv tsis xav tau. Cov nyiaj ua haujlwm yog crap thiab tus thawj coj yog tus neeg phem thiab koj yuav raug rho tawm yog tias koj tsis nco lub hom phiaj, tab sis koj ua ib pob ntawv ntawm commission ". Shithead dhuav nrog cov neeg hu xov tooj txias txog comp-en-sation thiab qhov kev nrhiav neeg ua haujlwm no txhais tau tias nws tuaj yeem sawv tom qab, yog li nws coj txoj haujlwm.

Peb tus neeg ua yeeb yam pob zeb rau nws thawj hnub ntawm 24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd. Nws yog lub chaw ua haujlwm pabcuam hauv Readingstoke, tag nrho plasticky thiab naff, puv berks zoo li nws uas tsis paub dab tsi txog IT. Tus thawj tswj hwm lub Hive ntawm villany yog lub tuam txhab tus tswv, Mr Bastard. "Tus Laus Bastard paub tag nrho cov dag" ntxhi tus txiv leej tub ntawm lub rooj tom ntej, " Kawm los ntawm nws thiab koj yuav ua ib pob ntawv ". Lawv muab Shithead ib lub PC crap, ib lub xov tooj, ib tus as-qhauj ntawm LinkedIn thiab cov ntaub ntawv ntawm cov kws tshaj lij IT lawv tau tshem tawm ntawm qhov chaw ua haujlwm lub lim tiam dhau los. Tom qab ob peb teev kev cob qhia nws tau muab cov spec rau txoj haujlwm txaus ntshai lawv tau sim ua kom tiav rau lub lis piam thiab xaj kom nrhiav nws lub siab me me tawm.. “Tsis muaj siab” lawv hais rau nws, "tab sis koj raug rho tawm yog tias koj nrhiav tsis tau ib tus neeg".

Tag nrho cov lus IT funny no txhais tsis muaj dab tsi rau Shithead tab sis nws ntaus ob peb rau hauv nws cov ntaub ntawv. Nws pom tias muaj qhov sib tw ntau dua yog tias nws tawm hauv "qhov chaw" lub thawv khoob. Nws nti tawm cov npe ntawm txhua tus kws tshaj lij hauv cov thev naus laus zis xws li "L-U-N-I-X", "Dogger" thiab "Curriculum Vitae". Siv qee cov lus zoo rau cov neeg nrhiav haujlwm uas lwm tus tau qhia nws, nws sau email. “L@@K! L.U.N.I.X ninja Dogger rockstar xav tau rau kev ua haujlwm ntsuab-tuab tsiv teb tsaws chaw hauv London. Hu rau kom paub meej!!!”.

Nws tshem tawm los hais tias lub luag haujlwm yog ib puas mais sab nraum London. Nyob ntawm ntug hiav txwv. Nyob rau hauv ib tug kub submarine uas muaj ebola thiab ravenous tsov. Shithead xav tias "Tsis xav ua rau ib tus neeg poob siab.".

Thaum nias ntawm ib lub pob nws xa mus rau ib txhiab qhov sib tw.

Tom qab ib nrab teev tsis muaj leej twg teb. phem dua, muaj ib tug bounce lus los ntawm ib co daig-up arsehole hais tias nws twb blocked. Nws sim sib cav nrog cov lus bounce, hem kom tshaj tawm rau Tub Ceev Xwm hauv Internet kom txo nws txoj kev ywj pheej ntawm kev nthuav tawm. "Peb ua tsis ncaj ncees lawm" Shithead yws.

Kev poob siab tias tsis muaj leej twg txaus siab rau nws tus email zoo nkauj nws tshem tawm txhua qhov kev tshawb nrhiav, xaiv tag nrho 50,000 ntawm cov kws tshaj lij IT hauv cov ntaub ntawv thiab nyem "xa" dua.

Cov lus teb pib tig mus rau hauv. "Tau plam koj berk" cem cov kws tshaj lij IT, “tso tseg nkim kuv lub sijhawm”. Tab sis Shithead tau raug cob qhia rau qhov no thiab nws pastes hauv qee cov lus teb hauv cov kaus poom. “Koj puas yuav tsis mus rau lub sijhawm zoo li no?”nws wheeled. "Kuv yuav tsis ua kuv txoj haujlwm zoo yog tias kuv tsis tau qhia koj txog txhua lub sijhawm zoo no". "Yog, kuv paub koj hais tias koj tsis txaus siab tab sis tsis xav paub txog peb tus nqi nrhiav tus nqi £ 50?”

Ob peb tus neeg xa CV's tab sis lawv cov lus sau tsis sib xws nrog cov npe ntawm cov spec kom nws muab rau lawv. "Fucking timewasters" nws yws, "Peb tab tom nrhiav rau ninja rockstar tus kws tshaj lij hauv L.U.N.I.X, tsis yog qhov no Ubuntu crap ". Thaum cov ntawv thov qhuav nws pib hu cov neeg los ntawm cov ntaub ntawv. "Qhov ntawd tsis muaj dab tsi ua nrog kuv cov txuj ci" cov neeg hais ntxiv. "Kuv tau hais rau koj tsib zaug kuv tsis nrhiav daim ntawv cog lus". Nws harangues lawv txawm mus txog thaum lawv tso lub xov tooj los yog qhov tsua thiab xa CV rau nws.

Thaum kawg qee tus ntsuj plig tsis zoo yeej qhov kev ua si ntawm bingo acronym. Nws pastes lawv CV rau hauv lub tuam txhab template, rhuav tshem cov formatting thiab tsis pom lawv tus kheej ib yam li Mr Bastard qhia nws. "Tsis txhob xav kom lawv cov arseholes mus tom qab peb rov qab," Bastard nco nws.

Tom qab dithering rau kaum hnub tus neeg thov kev xam phaj. Hmoov tsis zoo, tus neeg thov tau nrhiav haujlwm nyob rau lwm qhov. "Tsis txhob txhawj" Yawg Bastard hais rau nws, "tsuas yog xaiv lwm tus ntawm random thiab xa lawv". Tus txiv leej tub raug ntiav thiab Shithead tau txais ib qho haujlwm me me. Nws tau ntaus nws lub hom phiaj thiab yuav tsis raug rho tawm lub hlis no. "Kuv paub tseeb tias koj yuav hlub nws nyob ntawd," nws chuckles hauv xov tooj, txaus siab rau qhov nws ntse npaum li cas.

Yawg Bastard hu Shithead rau hauv nws lub chaw haujlwm. "Zoo ua tiav cov hluas Shithead, peb tau sim ua tiav txoj haujlwm ntawd rau lub lis piam. Koj ua li cas?”. Shithead xav txog ntau txhiab tus neeg nws spammed. “Yog, zoo, Kuv tsuas yog zoo ntawm charming lub peev xwm ". Yawg Bastard txhawb nqa nws mus rau pab pawg cog lus. "Qhov ntawd yog qhov nyiaj tiag tiag" piav qhia Old Bastard, “lawv cov neeg cog lus ua ib pob ntawv. Qhov zoo tshaj plaws yog peb tsis ua haujlwm ntxiv tom qab peb tau pom lawv tab sis cov neeg siv khoom tsis zoo yuav tsum them peb 15% ntawm tus nqi txhua hnub mus ib txhis!”

Rau lub hlis tom qab Shithead tau kawm txhua yam txog IT recruitment. Nws tau "tso" ntau tus neeg cog lus thiab 247SCRI Ltd (lawv rebranded tom qab ntawd ua lag ua luam nrog tus txiv leej tub tuag thiab tsov) yog raking nyob rau hauv ob loj ib hnub los ntawm cov txiv hmab txiv ntoo ntawm nws ua hauj lwm. Nws tau xauj ib lub BMW thiab pov nws cov nyiaj nyob ib puag ncig hauv cov khib nyiab khib nyiab. Nws tau kawm yuav ua li cas swindle cov neeg siv khoom, txhawm rau sau CV's los ntawm kev tshaj tawm cov haujlwm cuav, los tswj cov neeg thov, los ua piv txwv tias nws yog "sawv cev" ib tug neeg uas tsis tau hnov ​​​​txog nws thiab yuav ua li cas kom tsis txhob thuam nws cov kev coj tsis zoo los ntawm kev lees paub, ua tsis tau, "tsis muaj leej twg muaj teeb meem wiv nws".

Nws kuj tau kawm yuav ua li cas dov qee qhov ntawm nws txoj haujlwm rau hauv lub raj thiab nrog nws, hoover tus so ntawm nws lub qhov ntswg. Yog li txhawb nqa Shithead nyob hauv tag nrho qhov tseeb tias nws yog Vajtswv lub txiaj ntsim rau kev lag luam IT. "Kuv wuz ua 'koj nyiam" nws qhia cov neeg uas ntes nws dag siv lawv CV, "Thiab hnia kuv lub nroog Yeiuxalees vim koj yuav tsis tau ua haujlwm hauv lub nroog no wivvout kuv 'elp".

Tab sis Shithead tsis yog ib tug neeg ruam tag. Nws tau txais txiaj ntsig zoo rau 247SCRI thiab Laus Bastard khaws nws feem ntau rau nws tus kheej. Nws suav tias tus txiv neej yuav tsum ua dab tsi. “Cor!” Shithead xav, “Kuv ua tau li ntawd. Nws yuav raug nqi nufink pib thiab yog tias kuv mus tsoo nws yog lawv IT arseholes uas poob tawm. "

Ob peb teev tom qab Shithead tau nicked lub database, sau npe lub tuam txhab tshiab ntawm nws tus kheej ("Shithead-E-Web-Interglobal-Tshaj-Cov Kev daws teeb meem") thiab tau txais ib co offshore web designers los tsim nws lub website. Nws hais rau lawv tias, “Ua kom nws saib zoo tiag tiag”, yog li lawv sau nws nrog cov duab kos duab ntawm lub nroog skylines thiab cov neeg-saib-loj-hauv-qhov chaw ua haujlwm.

Txog hnub Monday sawv ntxov Shithead tab tom ua haujlwm nws txoj hauv kev los ntawm cov npe raug nyiag lawm. Nws paub tias nws lub koom haum qub tau them li cas thiaj li ua rau lawv yooj yim dua. Nws kuj txias-hu rau cov tswv ntiav ntawm cov neeg thov yav dhau los los soj ntsuam cov haujlwm nws tuaj yeem tshaj tawm, rhuav tshem ob peb txoj haujlwm hauv cov txheej txheem. "Ha" nws xav, "Ntau txoj haujlwm rau kuv kom ua tiav".

Rau lub hlis tom qab kev lag luam yog booming thiab Shithead zoo siab heev rau nws tus kheej. Nws hloov lub BMW rau Aston Martin, them nyiaj rau tus accountant dodgy los ua noj cov phau ntawv thiab sau lub chaw ua haujlwm pabcuam nrog me ntsis ntawm nws tus kheej. Lawv kawm los ntawm tus kws tshaj lij thiab cov avaricious tshaj plaws sai ya lub zes mus rau qhov pib ntawm lawv tus kheej. Ib lab lub koom haum tshiab tawg.

Vim Tswv Ntuj Txoj Kev Hlub Kawg Nkaus Li No

Kev lag luam thev naus laus zis hauv UK tau nkag mus nrog cov kab mob zoo li Shithead. Peb zam txim rau lawv tus cwj pwm phem los ntawm kev xav tias nws tsuas yog cais cov neeg tsis ncaj ncees lawm; hais tias peb tsis tau ntes liab-tes yuav tsum squeaky huv. Thaum kuv shitlist topped ib puas domains kuv los paub tech recruitment yog kev lag luam rotten tag nrho. Nws yog ib tug zoo meej cua daj cua dub ntawm perverse incentives, tsis tshua muaj kev cuam tshuam rau kev nkag mus thiab kev tswj tsawg tsawg nrog cov nyiaj txaus sloshing puag ncig kom nyiam tus kab mob plague ntawm cov txiv neej nruab nrab tsis zoo.

Kuv nrog cov neeg ua haujlwm nrhiav neeg ua haujlwm. 90% ntawm kuv txoj haujlwm (thiab 100% ntawm txoj haujlwm kuv nyiam) los ntawm lo lus ntawm lub qhov ncauj tsis tau yuav luag tag nrho kuv cov hauj lwm-nrhiav zog tau nkim rau cov berks. Tsuas yog koj tshaib plab (los yog txaus siab rau kev dag thiab dag) lawv tsis tsim nyog rau qhov kawg riam phom-qib aggravation.

Lawv cov bullshit-filled emails ncaj nraim mus rau hauv lub thoob khib nyiab. Tus so yog pro-tuab, yog li qee yam ntawm lawv tus kheej brilliance uas cov lus qhia tsis siv.

Rau cov tswv ntiav - hais kom koj cov neeg ua haujlwm pab nrhiav cov neeg ua haujlwm tshiab. Muab ib tug nqi zog - txaus kom tau txais lawv mloog, hais ib ob peb hnub nyiaj hli. Nws tsawg dua li Shithead yuav raug nqi. Thiab lawv cov kev txhawb siab yog txhua yam zoo: tsis muaj leej twg yuav ntiav tus neeg ruam yog tias lawv yuav tsum ua haujlwm nrog lawv thiab cov neeg ua haujlwm tshiab nrog kev sib raug zoo nrog koj pab neeg yuav nyob deb dua. Koj yuav xav tsis thoob npaum li cas qhov no tuaj yeem ua tau.

Rau kuv cov phooj ywg IT ua haujlwm - tsis txhob poob rau lub tswv yim tias cov neeg nrhiav neeg ua haujlwm yog qhov phem tsim nyog. Thaiv lawv email. Thaiv lawv hu. Nyob nrog cov phooj ywg qub. Kawm paub txog network. Koom nrog pab pawg, boardsand mailing npe rau koj daim teb thiab nco ntsoov xa rau lawv thaum sim ntiav. Txhua lub sij hawm koj ua hauj lwm los ntawm koj lub social network tus neeg nrhiav neeg tshaib plab. Nco ntsoov, qhov nyiaj ntau koj nqus tawm ntawm kev nrhiav neeg ua haujlwm ecosystem tsawg dua Shitheads nws tuaj yeem txhawb nqa.

Yog tias koj yuav tsum nrog cov neeg sawv cev, nug txhua yam lawv hais. Txawm li cas los xij, zoo li lawv yuav zoo li nco ntsoov tias lawv tsis raug txhawb kom ua ncaj ncees. Lawv tsis yog koj tus phooj ywg. Tau txais cov lus cog tseg (thiab cov lus piav qhia txoj haujlwm) sau ntawv. Tshawb xyuas ncaj qha nrog cov neeg siv khoom seb tus neeg sawv cev sawv cev rau lawv. Ua ntej koj tau kos npe ib yam dab tsi piv cov ntawv nrog tus neeg siv khoom kom paub seb tus neeg sawv cev tus nqi tiag tiag yog dab tsi; feem ntau lawv yuav dag koj ob leeg txhawm rau txhawm rau txiav qhov loj dua. Thaum koj ntes ib tug coj cwj pwm dag ntxias tshaj tawm nws kom lwm tus yuav ceev faj. Hu rau tus neeg siv khoom (pro tip: mus ncaj nraim rau HR) qhia rau lawv tias muaj dab tsi tshwm sim. Qhov txawv yog lawv yuav poob siab rau qhov lawv tau sawv cev. Kom tus kws tshaj lij nyeem koj daim ntawv cog lus (Cov neeg ua haujlwm feem ntau tsis paub txog txoj cai lij choj) thiab nug txhua lo lus uas tsis txaus ntseeg. Taug kev yog tias lawv zam txim rau qhov tsis sib tham. Yog tias koj yog tus neeg cog lus thiab lub sijhawm kawg lawv thov kom pom koj tus ID (phau ntawv hla tebchaws, daim ntawv tsav tsheb) tsis kam; lawv tsis muaj cai rau nws.

Qhov tseem ceeb tshaj plaws - muaj lub nraub qaum. Thaum ib co sleazebag sim kom tau ib qho ntawm koj tsis txhob cia nws swb. Tsis txhob cia ib tug swarm ntawm rapacious nruab nrab-txiv neej kom loj hlob nplua nuj los ntawm ruining peb kev lag luam.

Tsis txhob pub tus tsiaj nyaum.

<credit rau tus original (poob) tus sau qhov no>