Testing.com rendimiento ya aplicaciones

Ilustraré ar ciclo ar nzaki agencia reclutamiento ko 'nar 'bede mahä'mu̲: La parábola de Shithead.

Mi bí ma 'nar chico ancho uni finca fregadero Essex, nga̲tho fanfarrón ne gel pelo. Reptil, desprovisto nga̲tho talento, 'nar xi nse̲ya sociopático ja ma 'ra. Tumu̲nthu éxito, pa coches rápidos ne ya ts'ints'u̲ jar 'mui ne lager gaseosa ne discotecas horribles. Xí hyandi The Apprentice ne mfädi ne ar negocio ar abaat. Pe̲ts'i 'nar nthe brillante ne gi tsa̲pi ár hmi ar "zi di jar serio" ko ar espejo ya pa.. Ár thuhuu dar tsa̲ da Spencer wa ya Kai, Nathan wa ya Chardonnay, pe nä'ä ga ma xekwi Shithead.

Ar mpädi ar bí Gi pede dige 'nar 'be̲fi jar ár oficina. "Ar komongu ya televentas xka 'ma̲i o̲t'e ndezu̲ skwela.. Simplemente gi ne nuya lanadores computadoras tomen 'be̲fi nä'ä hingi ne.. Ya salarios ge 'nar nts'o ne ar jefe ge 'nar bastardo ne gi despedirán nu'bu̲ hingi gi tso̲ni ko ya 'befi., pe gi o̲t'e 'nar paquete comisión". Shithead xi xuhñä ar xekwi jar tse̲ ja ya jä'i dige ár compensación ne nuna ar alondra reclutadora ir bo̲ni ke to bí gu̲ts'i ar mäs xti nde., nja'bu da tsi 'be̲fi.

Ma protagonista thoki pa ár ndu̲i pa 24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd. Ge 'nar oficina ko ya 'befi jar Readingstoke, nga̲tho plastiás ne naff, lleno berks komongu nu'ä nä'ä hingi pädi ho̲nda TI. Presidiendo xí colmena villany xi ndö jar empresa., Sr. Bastard. "Old Bastard pädi ya trucos", susurra ár bätsi ar escritorio ar ja ar ngehnu̲., "Hmeya Nunu̲ y harás 'nar paquete". T'umbi da Shithead 'nar PC nts'o, 'nar teléfono, 'nar nu jar LinkedIn ne 'nar base ar datos ar profesionales TI da eliminaron ja 'nar sitio ar 'be̲fi ar su̲mänä bi thogi. 'Me̲fa 'ra ya ora entrenamiento, bí xi entregado especificación pa 'nar 'be̲fi terrible nä'ä xi 'ma̲i pa ndi bädi llenar Nxoge ya su̲mänä ne bí 'be̲pi reclutar pequeño ár mu̲i.. "Hinda presión" bí hmä, "pe gi despiden nu'bu̲ hingi 'yo tsihi".

Ga̲tho esas divertidas hñä TI hingi significan otho pa Shithead, pe gi 'yot'i algunas jar ár base ar datos.. Encuentra da thogi xingu mäs coincidencias nu'bu̲ he̲gi cuadro "ja yá 'mui" jar blanco. Escupe 'nar Nthuts'i ga̲tho ya expertos jar tecnologías komongu "L-U — N — I — X", "Hmä Dogger" i "Curriculum Vitae". Usando ra hñä geniales reclutador, ma 'ra bí enseñaron, redacta 'nar correo electrónico. "L@@K! Bí requiere 'nar estrella rock ninja Dogger L.U.N.I.X pa 'nar 'be̲fi migración hwähi xí jar Londres. Llame pa mäs detalles!!!".

Omite mencionar ke ar he̲'mi xi cien millas Londres.. Jar ts'o̲e xí nzi. Ja 'nar submarino jar llamas lleno ébola ne tigres voraces. "Hindi ne desanimar jar ni", gí beni gi Shithead.

Ko clic 'nar botón bí envía bí mil ar partidos.

Xta thogi made ora ni xi respondido. Peor, Jawa 'nar 'me̲hni rebote 'nar oki arsénico atascado nä'ä hmä da xi xi bloqueado. Intenta da mä ko 'me̲hni pa ar rebote, amenazando ko denunciar nä'ä da ar polisiya Internet ya restringir jár nthe̲gi hmä. "Int doing nuffink wrong" murmura Shithead.

Decepcionado ar ne ni apreciara ár hermoso correo electrónico, borra ga̲tho ya campos nthoni, selecciona ga̲tho 50,000 ja ya profesionales TI ja ar base ar datos ne xi clic jar hmä "pe̲hni" ar nuevo.

Ya nthädi comienzan ma filtrar ar. "'Yo̲t'e gi perder" regaña ya profesionales TI, "dejar ar perder ar pa". Pero Shithead xi xi entrenado pa 'me̲hna ne pega jar ra nthädi enlatadas.. "¿Hingi viajarías pa 'nar nt'o̲t'e ngut'ä dätä??"nä'ä wheedles". "Hingi estaría o̲t'e ma ar 'be̲fi correctamente nu'bu̲ hingi di contara dige ngatho nuya dätä hño". "Hä, pädi da dijiste ke hingi gi interesaba, pe Hindi ne ga pädi dige nuestra tarifa de buscador de £ 50?"

'Nar par ya jä'i envían CV, pe yá siglas hingi coinciden ko ar Nthuts'i jar especificación, nä'ä ya desen.. "Jodidos perdedores ya pa", murmura., "Je̲ya'bya mí honi 'nar experto dominio ninja rockstar jar L.U.N.I.X, hingi thogi nts'o ar Ubuntu". Nu'bu̲ ya aplicaciones ar agotan, comienza jar xekwi ja ya jä'i ndezu̲ ar base ar datos.. "Nä'ä hingi pe̲ts'i otho nä'ä ga ko ma conjunto habilidades", te̲ni ne ya jä'i.. "Mi xta mä ku̲t'a ya 'nandi nä'ä hingi di honi 'nar contrato". Ya arenga ar nga̲tho modos asta da dejan ar teléfono wa ceden ne bí envían 'nar CV ya correo..

Eventualmente uni pobre alma gana 'ñeni ar bingo siglas. Pega ár CV ar plantilla ar empresa, arruinando ar formato ne oscureciendo ár identidad tal nu'u̲ Sr. Bastard bí enseñó. "Hindi ne da arsénicos ya vayan nuestras espaldas", bí gi mbeni Bastard.

'Mefa xta vacilar Nxoge 're̲t'a ya pa, ar cliente bí 'ya̲ni 'nar entrevista. Xí 'ñu̲, ar solicitante bí nthe̲hu̲ 'nar 'be̲fi jar ma'na lugar.. "Ote xki beni", bí xifi ar Sr. Bastard, "simplemente gi jwahni ma'na ja ar azar y pe̲hni ya". Ar klase ar contratado ne Shithead recibe 'nar t'olo comisión.. Xi mä ya xki ja ar blanco ne hingi da despedido nuna ar zänä. "Di pädi xi hño ya da gi encantará nu'bu̲", bí ríe ya teléfono., orgulloso ar nä'ä inteligente ke ar.

Sr. Bastard hu da Shithead ya ár oficina. "Xi thoki xi hño bätsitho Shithead, Di 'ma̲i pa ndi bädi llenar Nunu̲ 'be̲fi Nxoge ya su̲mänä. ¿Tema nä'ä gá 'yo̲t'e??". Shithead gí beni ja ya miles ya jä'i da ya envió spam. "Hä, pozo, Dar realmente za̲ pa encantar ar talento". Sr. Bastard bí promueve bí equipo ar contratado. "'Bu̲'bu̲ ar hogem'bu̲ 'bu̲i ar bojä real", gi mä Old Bastard, "Ya contratistas o̲t'e 'nar paquete. Ndehmä ge da hingi ga pe̲hu̲ mäs 'be̲fi 'mefa xta porke ya encontrado, pe esos clientes tontos pe̲ts'i da gut'i ga. 15% ya ar tarifa hyax'bu̲ pa zäntho!"

'Rato ya zänä 'me̲fa, Shithead xi meya ga̲tho dige ar reclutamiento TI.. Xi hmä "colocado" docenas contratistas ne 247SCRI Ltd (cambiaron ar thuuhu 'mefa xta Nunu̲ negocio ar klase ndu ne ya tigres) Xi rastrillando jar dos dätä ja ar pa ja ya frutos ár 'be̲fi. Xi alquilado 'nar BMW ne tira ár bojä jar bares nts'o. Xa meya da estafar ya clientes, pa cosechar CV ir nge ar publicidad ar 'be̲fi falsos, pa manipular ya solicitantes, to pretend he’s “representing” someone who’s never heard of him and how to silence criticism of his dubious practices by asserting, improbably, “no-one else has a problem wiv it”.

He’s also learned how to roll some of his commission into a tube and with it, hoover the rest up his nose. Thus fortified Shithead lives in total certainty that he’s God’s gift to the IT industry. “I wuz doin’ you a favour” he tells people who catch him fraudulently using their CV, "ne besa ma trasero getho ni 'nar conseguirás 'nar 'be̲fi nuna ar Dähnini wivvout ma 'nar elp".

Pero Shithead hingi ge 'nar completo imbécil. Xa 'ma̲i ganando 'nar fortuna ya 247SCRI ne Old Bastard ar queda ko ar dätä xeni pa hä xkagentho.. Calcula nä'ä ar klase gi 'bu̲i pe̲fi.. "Cor!"Shithead gí beni, "Ar tsa̲ da nä'ä.. Gi costar nufink 'bu̲i y nu'bu̲ ga ma jar quiebra ya nu'u̲ mi salen perdiendo".

'Ra ya ora mäs xti nde, Shithead xi cortado ar base ar datos, registró 'nar 'ra'yo empresa 'nar nt'ot'ise̲ ("Shithead-E-Web-Interglobal-Talent-Solutions") ne consiguió ne 'ra ya diseñadores web offshore bí construyeran 'nar sitio web. "Haz da parezca realmente xidi mfädi", bí xifi., nja'bu da nä'ä llenan ko fotos archivo yá horizontes ya Dähnini ne ya jä'i mi handi serias jar lugar 'be̲fi..

Pa ar nonxi xudi, Shithead ar xi abrendo 'ñu a través de ar Nthuts'i clientes robados.. Nä'ä mfädi nä'ä mi cobraba ár antigua agencia, nä'ä ya socavar ar hei. 'Nehe hu jar tse̲ ja ya empleadores ex solicitantes pa honi 'be̲fi da pa anunciar., arruinando ra carreras ar proceso. "Ha", gí beni, "mäs puestos ar 'be̲fi pa ngeki".

Six months later business is booming and Shithead’s feeling very proud of himself. He swaps the BMW for an Aston Martin, pays a dodgy accountant to cook the books and fills a serviced office with little shitheads of his own. They learn from a pro and the most avaricious quickly fly the nest to startagencies of their own. A million new agencies bloom.

For the Love of God End This Infestation

The UK tech industry is crawling with parasites like Shithead. We excuse their terrible behaviour by fancying it’s just isolated miscreants; that ones we’ve not caught red-handed must be squeaky clean. When my shitlist topped a hundred domains I came to realise tech recruitment is a wholly rotten industry. It’s a perfect storm of perverse incentives, low barriers to entry and minimal regulation with enough money sloshing round to attract a plague of unscrupulous middle-men.

I’m through with recruitment agencies. 90% of my work (Ne 100% of the work I liked) comes through word of mouth yet almost all my work-finding energy was wasted on these berks. Unless you’re starving (or enjoy being lied to and swindled) they’re not worth the endless weapons-grade aggrevation.

Their bullshit-filled emails go straight in the trash. The rest are pro-thick, so certain of their own brilliance that the instructions don’t apply.

To employers – ask your staff to help find new hires. Offer a bounty – enough to get their attention, say a fortnight’s salary. It’s a lot less than Shithead would cost. And their incentives are all positive: no-one will hire an idiot if they have to work alongside them and new staff with social ties to your team are far more likely to stay. You’ll be amazed how effective this can be.

To my fellow IT workers – don’t fall for the idea that recruiters are a necessary evil. Block their emails. Block their calls. Stay in touch with old colleagues. Learn to network. Join groups, boardsand mailing lists for your field and remember to post on them when trying to hire. Every time you fill a job through your social network a recruiter goes hungry. Remember, the more money you suck out of the recruitment ecosystem the fewer Shitheads it can support.

If you must deal with the agents, question everything they say. However nice they may seem remember they are not incentivised to act honestly. They’re not your friend. Get promises (and the job description) in writing. Check directly with clients whether the agent represents them. Before you’ve signed anything compare notes with the client to find out what the agent’s rate really is; often they’ll lie to you both to gouge out a larger cut. When you catch one behaving deceitfully publicise it so others will be wary. Reach out to the client (pro tip: go straight to HR) to tell them what’s going on. Odds are they’ll be appalled at how they’ve been represented. Have an expert read your contract (most recruiters are clueless about contract law) and question every onerous term. Walk away if they make excuses for not negotiating. If you’re a contractor and at the last moment they demand to see your ID (passport, driving license) refuse; they have no right to it.

Most importantly – have a backbone. When some sleazebag tries to get one over on you don’t let it slide. Don’t allow a swarm of rapacious middle-men to grow rich by ruining our industry.

Don’t feed the beast.

<credit to the original (lost) author of this>