O le a ou faʻataʻitaʻia le taamilosaga o le olaga o le ofisa faʻafaigaluegaina ma se tala: O le faataoto i le ulu o le vale.
Vaai faalemafaufau i se tama matua mai se esetete a Essex – e soona fai uma ma fufui. Reptilia, leai se taleni uma, se sociopathic le amanaiaina o isi. Fia'ai mo le manuia, mo ta'avale vave ma fetaui lelei ma manulele ma le kasa lager ma fale kalapu leaga. Na ia matamata i le Apprentice ma na te iloa ua le toe i ai se pisinisi. E i ai sona suti iila ma fa'ata'ita'i ona foliga mata'ina i le fa'ata i aso uma. O lona igoa atonu o Spencer po o Kai, Nathan poo Chardonnay, ae o le a ou faaigoa ia Shithead.
Na taʻu atu e le uo a Shithead ia te ia se galuega i lona ofisa. “E pei lava o le tele o fa’atauga na e faia talu mai le aoga. Na'o lou faia o nei komipiuta tossers e ave galuega latou te le mana'o ai. O le totogi e leaga ma o le pule o se tamaʻi ma e te faʻateʻaina pe a e misia sini, ae e te faia se pepa i luga ole komisi”. Ua fiu Shithead i tagata fe'avea'i malulu e uiga i le fa'asoa ma o lenei lark fa'aulu o lona uiga e mafai ona toe tu i luga mulimuli ane., o lea na te faia ai le galuega.
O le matou tagata faʻataʻitaʻi ua oso i luga mo lona aso muamua i le 24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd. Ose ofisa tautua i Readingstoke, palasitika uma ma leaga, tumu i berks pei o ia e le iloa se mea e uiga i IT. O le pulefaamalumalu i luga o lenei ofaga leaga o le pule o le kamupani, Mr Bastard. “E iloa e Old Bastard togafiti uma” o le musumusu lea a le alii i le isi kesi, “Aoao mai ia te ia ona e faia ai lea o se taga”. Latou te tuʻuina atu ia Shithead se PC leaga, se telefoni, o se tala i luga ole LinkedIn ma se fa'amaumauga o tagata tomai fa'apitoa na latou soloia se nofoaga faigaluega i le vaiaso talu ai. Ina ua maeʻa ni nai itula o aʻoaʻoga na ia tuʻuina atu le faʻamatalaga mo se galuega mataʻutia sa latou taumafai e faʻatumu mo vaiaso ma faʻatonuina e faʻauluina lona fatu laitiiti.. “Leai se uunaiga” latou te fai atu ai ia te ia, "Ae ua fa'ate'aina oe pe a le mafai ona e mauaina se tasi".
O na upu malie uma IT e leai se uiga ia Shithead ae na te tusia ni nai upu i lana database. Na te iloa o loʻo i ai le tele o afitusi pe a tuʻu le pusa "nofoaga" avanoa. E sasaa mai se lisi o tagata atamamai uma i tekinolosi pei o le "L-U-N-I-X", “Dogger” ma le “Curriculum Vitae”. O le fa'aaogaina o ni upu fa'a faigaluega lelei na a'oa'oina ai o ia e isi, na te tusia se imeli. “[email protected]@K! O le L.U.N.I.X ninja Dogger rockstar e mana'omia mo le poloketi femalaga'iga lanu meamata i Lonetona. Valaau mo fa'amatalaga!!!”.
Na te le ta'ua o le matafaioi e selau maila i fafo atu o Lonetona. I luga o le alititai. I totonu o se va'a mu e tumu i le ebola ma taika fe'ai. "Aua e te manaʻo e faʻavaivaia se tasi" mafaufau Shithead.
I le kilikiina o se faamau na te auina atu i le afe matches.
Ina ua mavae le afa itula e leai se isi na tali mai. Sili atu ona leaga, o loʻo i ai se feʻau faʻafefe mai nisi arsehole pipii fai mai ua poloka o ia. E taumafai o ia e finau ma le fe'au fiti, Fa'amata'u e lipoti atu i Leoleo Initaneti mo le fa'aitiitia o lona Sa'olotoga e Fa'aalia. “Tatou te fia faia ni mea sese” o le tala lea a Shithead.
O le le fiafia ona e leai se tasi na talisapaia lana imeli matagofie na te faʻamalo uma fanua suʻesuʻe, filifilia uma 50,000 o le aufaigaluega IT i totonu o faʻamaumauga ma kiliki "auina atu" toe kiliki.
Ua amata ona tafe mai tali. “Get lost you berk” otegia e le aufaigaluega IT, “Tuu le faamaimauina o lo’u taimi”. Ae o Shithead ua aʻoaʻoina mo lenei mea ma na ia faʻapipiʻi i nisi o tali tuʻuapa. “E te le alu ea mo se avanoa sili?” o lana uili. "Ou te le faia lelei laʻu galuega pe ana ou le taʻuina atu ia te oe nei avanoa sili uma". "Ioe ou te iloa na e fai mai e te le fiafia ae e te le fia iloa e uiga i le matou £50 su'e totogi.?”
O ni nai tagata e lafo CV ae e le fetaui a latou acronyms ma le lisi o loʻo i luga o le faʻamatalaga o lea na te tapeina ai.. “Fucking time wastes” o lana tala lea, "O loʻo matou suʻeina se ninja rockstar tomai faʻapitoa ile L.U.N.I.X, e le o lenei mea leaga Ubuntu". A mago tusi talosaga e amata ona ia valaʻau tagata mai le database. "E leai se mea e fai i loʻu tomai" fai mai pea tagata. “Ua faalima ona ou fai atu ia te outou ou te le o sailia se konekarate”. Na te fa'asalaina i latou se'ia latou tu'u i lalo le telefoni pe tu'u i totonu ma meli atu ia te ia se CV.
Mulimuli ane na manumalo ai se agaga mativa i le taaloga o le acronym bingo. Na te fa'apipi'i a latou CV i le fa'ata'ita'iga a le kamupani, fa'aleagaina le fa'avasegaina ma fa'apouliuligia lo latou fa'asinomaga e pei lava ona a'oa'oina o ia e Mr Bastard. "Aua e te manaʻo latou te alu i tua o matou tua" Faamanatu atu e Bastard ia te ia.
A mae'a le fa'alogo mo aso e sefulu e fesili le kalani mo se fa'atalanoaga. Ae paga lea na maua e le tagata talosaga se galuega i se isi mea. “Aua e te popole” o le tala lea a Mr Bastard ia te ia, "Na'o le filifilia o se isi fa'afuase'i ma lafo". Ua fa'afaigaluegaina le tama ae maua e Shithead se komisi la'ititi. Ua lavea o ia i lana sini ma o le a le tuli i lenei masina. "Ou te mautinoa o le ae fiafia i ai iina" na ia ata i lalo le telefoni, mimita i lona poto.
Na valaau e Mr Bastard ia Shithead i lona ofisa. “Manuia le alii Shithead, sa matou taumafai e faatumu lena galuega mo vaiaso. Na faapefea ona e faia?”. Shithead mafaufau i le faitau afe o tagata na ia spammed. “Ioe, lelei, Ua ou matua lelei lava i le faatosinaina o le taleni”. Ua siitia o ia e Mr Bastard i le au konekarate. “O iina le tupe moni” o le tala lea a Old Bastard, “O latou konekarate e fai se afifi. O le mea sili e matou te le toe faia se galuega pe a uma ona matou mauaina ae o na tagata faʻatauvalea e tatau ona totogi i matou 15% o le fua o aso taitasi e faavavau!”
I le ono masina mulimuli ane ua aʻoaʻoina e Shithead mea uma e uiga i le faʻafaigaluegaina o le IT. Na ia "tuuina" le tele o konekarate ma le 247SCRI Ltd (na latou toe fa'ailogaina ina ua mae'a lena pisinisi ma le tagata oti ma taika) o lo'o sau i le aso e lua tupe mai fua o lana galuega. Na ia mautotogi se BMW ma togi ana tupe i totonu o pa. Na ia aʻoaʻoina le auala e faʻafefe ai tagata faʻatau, e selesele CV e ala i faʻasalalauga galuega pepelo, e pulea tagata talosaga, e faafoliga o ia e "faatusa" i se tasi e leʻi faʻalogo ia te ia ma pe faʻafefea ona faʻafilemuina faitioga i ana faiga masalosalo e ala i le faʻamaonia., masalo, "E leai se isi e iai se faʻafitauli i lena mea".
Na ia aʻoaʻoina foʻi pe faʻafefea ona taʻavale nisi o lana komisi i totonu o se paipa ma faʻatasi ai, fa'ae'e le vaega o totoe i lona isu. O lea ua malosi ai le Shithead e ola ma le mautinoa atoatoa o ia o le meaalofa a le Atua i le pisinisi IT. "Ou te alofa ia te oe" na ia taʻu atu ai i tagata o loʻo puʻeina o ia i le faʻaaogaina o la latou CV., "ma sogi i laʻu asini aua e te le maua lava se galuega i lenei taulaga e aunoa ma laʻu 'fesoasoani".
Ae o Shithead e le o se tagata valea atoatoa. Sa ia mauaina se tamaoaiga mo le 247SCRI ma o Old Bastard na te teuina le tele mo ia lava.. Na te fuafuaina mea e tatau ona faia e le tama. “Ko!” O le mafaufau lea o Shithead, “E mafai ona ou faia lena mea. E taugata tele e amata ai ma afai ou te fa'aletonu, oi latou ia o tagata IT e faia'ina.”
I ni nai itula mulimuli ane ua fa'aigoaina e Shithead le fa'amaumauga, resitalaina lana kamupani fou (“Shithead-E-Web-Interglobal-Talent-Solutions”) ma maua nisi o tagata mamanu upega tafaʻilagi e fausia ai se upega tafaʻilagi mo ia. "Ia faʻaalia faʻapitoa" o lana tala lea ia i latou, o lea latou te fa'atumuina i ata fa'aputuga o lagi o le taulaga ma tagata-va'ai-fa'aituau-i-le-galuega.
E oo atu i le taeao o le Aso Gafua ua galue Shithead i le lisi o tagata o tausia na gaoia. Na te iloa le mea na molia ai e lana ofisa tuai o lea e faigofie ai ona faʻaumatia i latou. Na ia valaʻau foʻi ma le malulu i tagata e ana galuega a tagata talosaga muamua e suʻesuʻe mo galuega e mafai ona ia faʻasalalau, fa'aleagaina nai galuega i le faagasologa. “Ha” o lona manatu lea, “sili atu galuega ou te faatumuina”.
I le ono masina mulimuli ane, ua fa'aolaola pisinisi ma ua matua mitamita lava Shithead ia te ia lava. Na ia fesuiai le BMW mo le Aston Martin, totogi se tausitusi fa'atauva'a e kuka tusi ma fa'atumu se ofisa tautua i ana lava ulavale.. Latou te aʻoaʻoina mai se tagata tomai faʻapitoa ma sili ona mataʻutia e vave lele le faamoega i latou lava ofisa amata. E faitau miliona ofisa fou ua fuga mai.
Mo le Alofa o le Atua Ia Fa'aiu Le Fa'alavelave
The UK tech industry is crawling with parasites like Shithead. We excuse their terrible behaviour by fancying it’s just isolated miscreants; that ones we’ve not caught red-handed must be squeaky clean. When my shitlist topped a hundred domains I came to realise tech recruitment is a wholly rotten industry. O se afa atoatoa o faʻamalosi faʻafefe, pa pupuni maualalo i le ulufale atu ma le laititi o tulafono faatonutonu ma le lava o tupe o loʻo taʻavale solo e faatosina ai se mala o tagata vaeluagalemu le mafaufau..
I’m through with recruitment agencies. 90% o la’u galuega (ma le 100% o le galuega sa ou fiafia i ai) comes through word of mouth yet almost all my work-finding energy was wasted on these berks. Unless you’re starving (pe fiafia e pepelo ma taufaavalea) latou te le aoga i auupega e le gata-grade aggravation.
Their bullshit-filled emails go straight in the trash. The rest are mafiafia, matua mautinoa o latou lava malamalama e le aoga faatonuga.
To employers – ask your staff to help find new hires. Offer a bounty – enough to get their attention, say a fortnight’s salary. It’s a lot less than Shithead would cost. And their incentives are all positive: no-one will hire an idiot if they have to work alongside them and new staff with social ties to your team are far more likely to stay. You’ll be amazed how effective this can be.
To my fellow IT workers – don’t fall for the idea that recruiters are a necessary evil. poloka a latou imeli. Poloka latou calls. Stay in touch with old colleagues. Learn to network. Join groups, boardsand mailing lists for your field and remember to post on them when trying to hire. Every time you fill a job through your social network a recruiter goes hungry. Remember, the more money you suck out of the recruitment ecosystem the fewer Shitheads it can support.
If you must deal with the agents, question everything they say. However nice they may seem remember they are not incentivised to act honestly. They’re not your friend. Get promises (ma le fa'amatalaga o galuega) in writing. Check directly with clients whether the agent represents them. Before you’ve signed anything compare notes with the client to find out what the agent’s rate really is; often they’ll lie to you both to gouge out a larger cut. When you catch one behaving deceitfully publicise it so others will be wary. Reach out to the client (fa'ata'ita'iga: alu sa'o ile HR) to tell them what’s going on. Odds are they’ll be appalled at how they’ve been represented. Have an expert read your contract (o le tele o tagata faigaluega e leai se malamalama e uiga i tulafono konekarate) and question every onerous term. Walk away if they make excuses for not negotiating. If you’re a contractor and at the last moment they mana'omia e va'ai lau ID (tusifolau, laisene aveta'avale) teena; e leai sa latou aia i ai.
Most importantly – have a backbone. When some sleazebag tries to get one over on you don’t let it slide. Don’t allow a swarm of rapacious middle-men to grow rich by ruining our industry.
Aua le fafagaina le manu.
<credit to the original (lost) author of this>
