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我將用一個故仔來說明招聘機構嘅生命周期: 屎頭嘅寓言.

想象一下一個來自埃塞克斯水槽莊園嘅寬男孩-所有搖擺和髮膠. 爬行動物, 缺乏所有人才, 對他人嘅反社會漠視. 對成功嘅渴望, 適合快速嘅汽車同適合嘅鳥類和汽油啤酒同可怕嘅夜總會. 佢睇過《學徒》同《老襯》，佢知道自己嘅生意係abaat。. 佢有一套閃亮嘅西裝，每日都喺鏡度練習佢認真對待我嘅面。. 佢嘅名可能係斯宾塞或凱, 内森或霞多丽, 但我要叫佢屎頭.

嘅朋友話畀佢辦公室嘅一份工作. 噉 就好似 你 由 返學 以 嚟 一直 做 緊嘅 電話 銷售 一樣. 你只係畀呢啲電腦投擲者接受佢哋唔想要嘅工作. 人工係廢話，老闆係個混蛋，如果你錯過了目標，你會被解僱嘅。, 但你做了一個佣金包". 屎頭厭倦了冷呼叫人們關於競爭，呢個招聘雲雀意味住佢可以遲啲起身, 所以佢接受咗呢份工作.

我哋嘅主角喺24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd嘅第一天搖滾起來. 係雷丁斯托克嘅服務式辦公室, 所有塑料同纳夫, 周圍都係好似佢一樣對IT一無所知嘅伯克斯. 主持呢個维拉尼蜂巢嘅係公司嘅所有者, 混蛋先生. "老混蛋知道所有的把戲"，隔壁桌子上的傢伙低聲說。, 嗱嗱向佢學習，你會做一個包唻. 佢哋畀屎頭一個垃圾PC, 一部手機, LinkedIn上嘅一個账户同佢哋上周由工作現場抓取嘅IT專業人員數據庫. 經過幾個鐘頭嘅訓練，佢交咗佢哋幾周嚟一直試圖填補嘅可怕工作嘅規格，並命令招募佢嘅細心臟。. "冇壓力"佢哋話畀佢, 嗱但如果你搵唔到人，你就會被解僱桎梏.

所有呢啲有趣嘅IT單詞對Shithead來說毫無意義，但佢喺佢嘅數據庫中輸入了一些. 他發現，如果佢將"位置"框留空，則仲有更多匹配項. 它吐出了"L-U-N-I-X"等技術專家嘅所有名單。, 徜徉狗狗徜徉和桎梏簡歷桎梏. 用一些好酷嘅招聘人員嘅話，其他人教畀佢, 佢起草一封電子郵件. "L@@K! L.U.N.I.X忍者狗狗搖滾明星需要倫敦綠地遷移項目. 致電了解詳情!!!".

佢冇提到呢個角色喺倫敦外一百英里嘅地方。. 在海底. 喺一艘燃燒嘅潛艇度，滿載住埃博拉病毒和貪婪嘅老虎. "唔想畀任何人氣餒"屎頭認為.

只需點擊一個按鈕，佢就會將其發送到一千场比賽.

半小時後，沒有人回應. 更糟, 有一個反彈消息來自一些卡住嘅肛門，話佢已被阻止. 他試圖與反彈消息爭論, 威脅要向互聯網警察舉報，因為佢限制了言論自由. "我哋做錯咗"屎頭喃喃自語.

令人失望係，冇人欣賞佢靚嘅電子郵件，佢清除咗每個搜索字段, 選擇全部 50,000 數據庫中嘅IT專業人員，然後再次單擊"發送".

反應開始徜徉細流. "迷路了，你伯克"責罵IT專業人員, 嗱嗱唔好再嘥我嘅時間啦嗱嗱. 但係Shithead有接受呢方面嘅訓練，佢粘貼咗一啲罐頭嘅回覆。. "你唔會為咗這樣一個好好嘅機會而上放工呀？?" 他喘息著. 嗱如果我唔話畀你所有呢啲好機會，我就唔會正確咁完成我嘅工作桎梏. 朕是的，我知你講你唔感興趣，但想知我哋50英鎊嘅發現者使費?"

有幾個人發送簡歷，但他們的首字母縮略詞與規範上的列表不匹配，所以他把它們裝箱. 徜徉他媽的浪費時間佢喃喃自語, 嗱我哋尋找L.U.N.I.X緊嘅忍者搖滾明星領域專家。, 唔係呢個乌班图廢話徜徉. 当應用程序枯竭時，佢開始由數據庫中呼叫人員. "與我嘅技能無關"，人們一直在說. 我有話畀你哋五次，我唔係喺尋找合同桎梏. 無論如何，佢都會騷擾佢哋，直到佢哋放下電話或屈服並畀佢郵寄簡歷.

最終，一些可怜嘅靈魂贏得了首字母縮略詞賓果遊戲. 佢將簡歷粘貼到公司糢闆中, 破壞格式並模糊他們的身份，就好似仆街先生教佢嘅咁. "唔好畀佢哋孭住我哋，"仆街提醒佢.

猶豫了十天後，客戶要求面試. 不幸嘅係，申請人喺其他地方搵到咗工作. "別擔心"，混蛋先生告訴他, "只需隨機選擇另一個併發送它們". 友被僱用了，Shithead得到了一小筆佣金. 佢有達到目標，本月唔會被解僱。. "我相信你會喜歡那裡的，"他笑著說。, 為佢有多聰明而感到自豪.

混蛋先生把屎頭叫入佢嘅辦公室. "干得好，後生嘅屎頭, 幾周嚟，我哋一直努力填補呢項工作緊. 你系点做到嘅?". 屎頭想到佢發送垃圾郵件嘅數千人. 噉 係 啊, 井, 我真係好擅長吸引人才徜徉. 混蛋先生將佢提拔到合同團隊. "就係真正嘅錢所在"老混蛋解釋道。, 佢哋承包商製作一個包裹. 最好的事情是，在我們找到他們之後，我們不會再做任何工作，但那些愚蠢的客戶必須付錢給我們 15% 每日費率永遠!"

六個月後，Shithead有了解有關IT招聘嘅一切. 佢并安置了数十家承包商同247SCRI有限公司 (佢哋喺嗰個與死傢伙同老虎嘅業務之後重新命名) 每日由佢嘅勞動成果中耙兩個大. 佢租咗一輛寶馬，將錢掉喺狗屎酒吧度。. 佢學識咗如何欺騙客戶, 透過宣傳假工作嚟收穫簡歷, 操縱申請人, 假裝佢正在徜徉代表桎梏一個從未聽說過佢嘅人，以及如何透過斷言嚟壓制對佢可疑做法嘅批評, 不可思議, 唻冇其他人有問題唻.

佢仲學識埋如何將他的一些佣金捲成琯子並用它。, 將剩嘅人放喺佢嘅鼻子上. 因此，堅定嘅屎頭完全肯定佢係上帝畀IT行業嘅礼物. "我幫了你一個忙"，他告訴那些用簡歷欺詐性地抓住他的人, 徜徉親吻我的屁股，因為你永遠唔會喺呢個小鎮上搵到工作，我嘅囡精靈徜徉.

但狗屎頭並不昰一個完全嘅白痴. 佢一直喺為247SCRI賺大筆錢，而老混蛋把大部分錢留給自己。. 佢計算出呢個人一定做緊乜嘢. "科爾!"屎頭認為, "我能做到. 將花費nufink嚟開始，如果我破產，將係佢哋IT嘅屁股壞咗。

幾個鐘頭之後，Shithead有破解數據庫, 註冊咗自己嘅新公司 ("屎頭-電子-網絡-全球-人才-解決方案") 並搵咗一啲離岸網頁設計師為佢建立一個網站. "讓它看起來非常官方"，佢話畀佢哋, 因此，佢哋用城市天際綫嘅庫存照片和工作場所中看起來嚴肅嘅人嘅相填充它.

到周一早上，Shithead透過被盜緊嘅客戶名單工作. 佢知佢嘅舊機構收取咗乜嘢使費，所以削弱佢哋好易. 佢仲冷淡咁打電話畀前申請人嘅僱主，詢問佢可以做廣告嘅工作。, 在此過程中毀掉了一些職業. "哈"他認為, 徜徉更多工作需要我填補桎梏.

六個月後，生意蒸蒸日上，屎頭為自己感到非常自豪. 佢將寶馬換成了阿斯顿·馬丁, 付錢畀一個狡猾嘅會計師嚟煮飯，並用自己嘅小屁屁填滿一個服務式辦公室. 佢哋向專業人士學習，最貪婪嘅人迅速飛到自己嘅巢穴. 一百万个新機構蓬勃發展.

為咗上帝嘅愛結束呢種侵擾

The UK tech industry is crawling with parasites like Shithead. We excuse their terrible behaviour by fancying it’s just isolated miscreants; that ones we’ve not caught red-handed must be squeaky clean. When my shitlist topped a hundred domains I came to realise tech recruitment is a wholly rotten industry. 係一場不正當激勵嘅完美風暴, 進入門檻低，監管最少，有足夠的資金晃動，以吸引肆無忌憚嘅中間人嘅瘟疫.

I’m through with recruitment agencies. 90% 我嘅作品 (和 100% 我鍾意嘅作品) comes through word of mouth yet almost all my work-finding energy was wasted on these berks. Unless you’re starving (或享受被騙和欺騙) 佢哋唔值得無休止嘅武器級積累.

Their bullshit-filled emails go straight in the trash. The rest are 親厚, 如此肯定自己嘅才華，以至於說明唔適用.

To employers – ask your staff to help find new hires. Offer a bounty – enough to get their attention, say a fortnight’s salary. It’s a lot less than Shithead would cost. And their incentives are all positive: no-one will hire an idiot if they have to work alongside them and new staff with social ties to your team are far more likely to stay. You’ll be amazed how effective this can be.

To my fellow IT workers – don’t fall for the idea that recruiters are a necessary evil. 屏蔽他們的電子郵件. 蚊 佢哋 calls. Stay in touch with old colleagues. Learn to network. Join groups, boardsand mailing lists for your field and remember to post on them when trying to hire. Every time you fill a job through your social network a recruiter goes hungry. Remember, the more money you suck out of the recruitment ecosystem the fewer Shitheads it can support.

If you must deal with the agents, question everything they say. However nice they may seem remember they are not incentivised to act honestly. They’re not your friend. Get promises (同職位描述) in writing. Check directly with clients whether the agent represents them. Before you’ve signed anything compare notes with the client to find out what the agent’s rate really is; often they’ll lie to you both to gouge out a larger cut. When you catch one behaving deceitfully publicise it so others will be wary. Reach out to the client (專業提示: 直接轉到人力資源) to tell them what’s going on. Odds are they’ll be appalled at how they’ve been represented. Have an expert read your contract (大多數招聘人員對合同法一無所知) and question every onerous term. Walk away if they make excuses for not negotiating. If you’re a contractor and at the last moment they 要求查看您的身份證件 (護照, 駕照) 拒絕; 佢哋冇權利這樣做.

Most importantly – have a backbone. When some sleazebag tries to get one over on you don’t let it slide. Don’t allow a swarm of rapacious middle-men to grow rich by ruining our industry.

唔好喂野獸.

<credit to the original (lost) author of this>