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Ini ndichaenzanisira kutenderera kwehupenyu hwesangano rekutora nenyaya: Mufananidzo weShithead.

Fungidzira mukomana mukuru kubva kune imwe Essex sink estate - ese swagger uye hairgel. Reptilian, vasina tarenda rose, kusaremekedza vamwe. Nzara dzebudiriro, yemota dzinomhanya uye shiri dzakakwana uye gassy lager uye manightclub anotyisa. Akatarisa Mudzidzi uye anofunga kuti anoziva kuti bhizinesi rapera. Ane sutu inopenya uye anodzidzira kunditora-serious-chiso chake mugirazi mazuva ese. Zita rake rinogona kunge riri Spencer kana Kai, Nathan kana Chardonnay, asi ndichamuti Shithead.

Shamwari yaShithead inomuudza nezvebasa rekuhofisi kwake. “Zvakangofanana nekutengesa kwawave uchiita kubva kuchikoro. Iwe unongoita kuti macomputer ekutambisa atore mabasa aasingade. Mibairo yacho ndeyekupenga uye sabhuku igomarara uye iwe uchadzingwa kana ukapotsa zvinangwa, asi iwe unogadzira pakiti pakutumwa". Shithead akafinhwa nevanhu vanotonhora-vanodaidza nezve comp-en-sation uye iyi lark yekuunganidza zvinoreva kuti anogona kumuka gare gare., saka anotora basa.

Wedu protagonist anosimuka kwezuva rake rekutanga pa24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd.. Iyo hofisi inoshandirwa mu Readingstoke, zvese plasticky uye naff, akazara mabheki saiye asina chaanoziva nezveIT. Ari kutungamira mukoko wemukoko uyu ndiye muridzi wekambani, Mr Bastard. "Old Bastard anoziva manomano ese" anozevezera mukomana ari padhesiki rinotevera, "dzidza kubva kwaari uye iwe unogadzira pakiti". Ivo vanopa Shithead a crap PC, foni, account paLinkedIn uye dhatabhesi yevashandi veIT vakarasa nzvimbo yebasa svondo rapfuura. Mushure memaawa mashoma ekudzidziswa akapa iyo yebasa rakaipa iro vanga vachiedza kuzadza kwemavhiki uye akaraira kuti atore moyo wake mudiki kunze.. “No pressure” vanomuudza kudaro, "asi unodzingwa kana usingawane munhu".

Ese aya mazwi anosetsa eIT haarevi chinhu kuna Shithead asi anotaipa mashoma mudura rake. Anoona kune mamwe machisi akawanda kana akasiya "nzvimbo" bhokisi risina chinhu. Inopfira runyoro rwenyanzvi dzese mutekinoroji se "L-U-N-I-X", "Dogger" uye "Curriculum Vitae". Achishandisa mamwe mazwi akanaka ekutsvaga vamwe vakamudzidzisa, anonyora email. "L@@K! L.U.N.I.X ninja Dogger rockstar inodiwa kune green-field migration project muLondon. Fona kuti uwane ruzivo!!!”.

Anosiya kutaura kuti basa iri makiromita zana kunze kweLondon. Pasi pegungwa. Muchikepe chepasi pemvura chiri kupfuta chizere ne ebola uye ingwe dzinoparadza. "Usade kuodza moyo chero munhu" Shithead anofunga.

Pakudzvanya bhatani anotumira kune chiuru chemachisi.

Mushure mehafu yeawa hapana apindura. Worse, pane message yabva kune imwe pfuti yakavharirwa ichiti avharwa. Anoedza kuita nharo nebounce message, achityisidzira kuzvizivisa kuMapurisa eInternet nekudzikisira Rusununguko rwake rweKutaura. "Isu tiri kuita nuffink zvisizvo" Shithead anozevezera.

Akaodzwa mwoyo kuti hapana-anofarira email yake yakanaka anobvisa yese yekutsvaga nzvimbo, anosarudza zvose 50,000 yevashandi veIT mune dhatabhesi uye tinya "send" zvakare.

Mhinduro dzinotanga kupinda mukati. "Rasika iwe berk" vakatsiura nyanzvi dzeIT, "rega kundipedzera nguva yangu". Asi Shithead akadzidziswa izvi uye anonamira mune dzimwe mhinduro dzemumagaba. “Haungaende here kuwana mukana wakanaka kudaro?” anofemereka. "Ndingadai ndisiri kuita basa rangu nemazvo dai ndisina kukuudza nezvemikana mikuru iyi". "Ehe ndinoziva wati haufarire asi haudi kuziva nezvemubhadharo wedu we£50?”

Vanhu vakati wandei vanotumira maCV asi maacronyms avo haaenderane nerondedzero pane iyo spec saka anoisunga. "Fucking timewasters" anogunun'una, "tiri kutsvaga ninja rockstar domain nyanzvi muLUNIX, kwete iyi Ubuntu crap". Kana maapplication aoma anobva atanga kufonera vanhu kubva kudatabase. "Izvo hazvina chekuita nehunyanzvi hwangu" vanhu vanoramba vachitaura. "Ndakuudzai kashanu kuti handisi kutsvaga kondirakiti". Anovanyengerera zvakadaro kusvika vaisa foni pasi kana kubatikana votumira CV.

Pakupedzisira mumwe mweya murombo anohwina mutambo weacronym bingo. Anoisa CV yavo mutemplate yekambani, kukanganisa mafomati uye kuvanza kuzivikanwa kwavo sezvaakadzidziswa naVaBastard. "Usade kuti makomba aende kumashure kwedu" Bastard anomuyeuchidza.

Mushure mekupedza mazuva gumi mutengi anokumbira kubvunzurudzwa. Sezvineiwo munyoreri akawana basa kumwewo. "Usazvinetse" Mr Bastard vanomuudza, "ingotora imwe yausingazive wotumira". Mukomana wacho anoshandirwa uye Shithead anowana komisheni diki. Akarova chinangwa chake uye haasi kuzodzingwa mwedzi uno. "I'm sure you will love it ikoko" akadaro achiseka foni, anodada neuchenjeri hwake.

Mr Bastard vanodaidza Shithead muhofisi mavo. “Waita zvakanaka mudiki Shithead, tanga tichiedza kuzadza basa iroro kwemavhiki. Makazviita sei?”. Shithead anofunga nezvezviuru zvevanhu vaakapa spam. “Ehe, zvakanaka, Ndiri shasha pakukwezva tarenda ". Mr Bastard vanomusimudzira kuchikwata chekondirakiti. "Ndiko kune mari chaiyo" anotsanangura kudaro Old Bastard, “ivo makondirakiti vanogadzira pakiti. Chinhu chakanyanya kunaka ndechekuti isu hatichaite rimwe basa mushure mekunge tavawana asi vatengi vakapusa vanofanirwa kutibhadhara. 15% yemwero wezuva nezuva zvachose!”

Mwedzi mitanhatu gare gare Shithead akadzidza zvese nezve IT kunyorera. "Akaisa" akawanda emakontrakta uye 247SCRI Ltd (vakachinja mushure mebhizimusi riya nemushakabvu nemangwe) ari kutora maviri makuru pazuva kubva pazvibereko zvekushanda kwake. Akahaya BMW uye anokanda mari yake mumashit bars. Akadzidza kubiridzira vatengi, kukohwa maCV nekushambadza mabasa emanyepo, kushandura vanonyorera, kunyepedzera "kumiririra" mumwe munhu asina kumbonzwa nezvake uye nzira yekunyaradza kutsoropodzwa kwemaitiro ake asina chokwadi nekusimbisa., zvisingaite, "hapana mumwe ane problem wiv it".

Akadzidza zvakare nzira yekutenderedza imwe yebasa rake muchubhu uye nayo, simudza imwezve mumhino dzake. Saka akasimbiswa Shithead anogara muchokwadi chakazara kuti iye chipo chaMwari kune iyo IT indasitiri. "I wuz doin' you a favour" anoudza vanhu vanomubata zvechitsotsi vachishandisa CV yavo., “ndotsvoda mboro yangu nekuti haufe wakawana basa mutown muno wivvout my ‘elp”.

Asi Shithead haasi benzi rakazara. Anga achiwana mari yakawanda ye247SCRI uye Old Bastard anozvichengetera yakawanda yacho.. Anoverenga izvo murume anofanira kunge achigadzira. “VaK!” Shithead anofunga, “Ndaigona kudaro. Zvinozodhura nufink kutanga uye kana ndikaenda kubhomba ndeavo IT arseholes vanorasikirwa. "

Maawa mashoma gare gare Shithead yakarova dhatabhesi, akanyoresa kambani yake itsva ("Shithead-E-Web-Interglobal-Talent-Solutions") uye ndakatora vamwe vekunze webhu vanogadzira kuti vamuvakire webhusaiti. “Ita kuti zviratidzike zviri pamutemo” anovaudza kudaro, saka vanoizadza nestock photos of city skylines and people- looking-serious-in-the-workplace.

Pakasvika Muvhuro mangwanani Shithead ari kushanda achipfuura neakabiwa runyorwa rwevatengi. Anoziva zvakachajwa nevakuru vake saka kudzibvisa kuri nyore. Anodaidzawo vashandirwi vevaimbonyorera kuti vaongorore mabasa aanogona kushambadza, kuparadza mabasa mashoma mukuita. "Ha" anofunga, “mamwe mabasa ekuti ndizadze”.

Mwedzi mitanhatu gare gare bhizinesi riri kuwedzera uye Shithead anonzwa kudada naye. Anochinjanisa BMW neAston Martin, anobhadhara akaunziri akashata kuti abike mabhuku uye anozadza hofisi inoshandirwa netumadhende twake. Ivo vanodzidza kubva kune pro uye anonyanya kupenga anokurumidza kubhururuka dendere kune ekutanga ega. Mamiriyoni matsva masangano anotumbuka.

Kuda Mwari Kupedza Kupararira uku

Iyo UK tech indasitiri iri kukambaira nemaparasite seShithead. Tinoregerera maitiro avo akashata nekufungidzira kuti ingori misikanzwa; idzo dzatisina kubata dzvuku dzinofanira kunge dzakapfava. Kana shitlist yangu yakakwira zana madomasi ndakasvika pakuziva tech recruitment iindasitiri yakaora zvachose. Idutu rakakwana rekukurudzira kwakashata, zvipingamupinyi zvakaderera zvekupinda uye kudzora kushoma nemari yakakwana inotenderera kukwezva denda revasina kutendeseka vepakati-varume..

Ndiri kupedza nemasangano ekutsvaga basa. 90% zvebasa rangu (uye 100% zvebasa randaida) rinouya neshoko remuromo asi rinenge rese simba rangu rekutsvaga basa rakatambiswa pane aya mabheki. Kunze kwekunge uchiziya nenzara (kana kunakidzwa nekunyeperwa nekubirwa) havana kufanira kusingaperi zvombo-giredhi aggrevation.

Maemail avo akazadzwa nebhurugwa anoenda akananga mumarara. Vamwe vose ndivo pro-thick, saka humwe huchenjeri hwavo zvekuti mirairo haishande.

Kuvashandirwi - bvunza vashandi vako kuti vakubatsire kutsvaga mibairo mitsva. Ipa bounty - yakakwana kuti vatore pfungwa dzavo, taura muhoro wemavhiki maviri. Yakanyanya kuderera pane yaizodhura Shithead. Uye zvinokurudzira zvavo zvose zvakanaka: hapana-anozohaya idiot kana achifanira kushanda padivi pavo uye vashandi vatsva vane hukama kuchikwata chako vangangogara.. Iwe uchashamisika kuti izvi zvingashanda sei.

Kune vandinoshanda navo IT - usawire nepfungwa yekuti vanotora vanhu vakaipa. Vhara maemail avo. Block yavo kufona. Ramba uchikurukura nevaunoshanda navo. Dzidza kuita network. Join groups, boardsand tsamba dzetsamba dzemunda wako uye yeuka kutumira pazviri paunenge uchiedza kuhaya. Pese paunozadza basa kuburikidza nesocial network yako muchengeti anonzwa nzara. Rangarira, iyo yakawanda mari yaunoyamwa kubva mukutora ecosystem iwo mashoma Shitheads aanogona kutsigira.

Kana iwe uchifanira kubata nevamiririri, bvunza zvese zvavanotaura. Kunyangwe zvakanaka vangaite senge vachirangarira kuti havakurudzirwe kuita vakatendeseka. Havasi shamwari yako. Wana zvivimbiso (uye tsanangudzo yebasa) mukunyora. Tarisa zvakananga nevatengi kana mumiririri anovamiririra. Usati wasaina chero chinhu enzanisa manotsi nemutengi kuti uone kuti chiyero chemumiririri chii chaizvo; kazhinji vanokunyeperai mese kuti mubvise kucheka kukuru. Ukabata mumwe achiita zvekunyengera zvizivise kuti vamwe vangwarire. Svika kune mutengi (pro tip: enda kuna HR) kuvaudza zviri kuitika. Odds ivo vachashamiswa nemamiririro avakaitwa. Ita kuti nyanzvi iverenge chibvumirano chako (vazhinji vanotora vanhu havazivi nezvemutemo wekondirakiti) uye bvunza nguva yese yakaoma. Enda kana vaita zvikonzero zvekusataurirana. Kana iwe uri kontrakta uye panguva yekupedzisira ivo kumbira kuti uone ID yako (pasipoti, rezinesi rekutyaira) kuramba; havana kodzero pazviri.

Chinonyanya kukosha - kuva nemusana. Kana imwe sleazebag ikaedza kutora imwe pamusoro pako usaite kuti ichitsvedza. Usabvumire mhomho yevarume vepakati kuti vapfume nekuparadza indasitiri yedu.

Usadyisa mhuka.

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