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Ngizofanekisa umjikelezo wempilo we-ejensi yokuqasha ngendaba: Umfanekiso weShithead.

Cabanga ngomfana obanzi ovela endaweni yokucwila yase-Essex - yonke i-swagger ne-hairgel. I-Reptilian, elingenalo lonke ikhono, ukunganaki kwe-sociopathic kwabanye. Ilambele impumelelo, izimoto ezisheshayo kanye nezinyoni ezifanele kanye ne-gassy lager nama-nightclub amabi. Ubuke uMfundi futhi ubona ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ibhizinisi liyahamba. Unesudi ecwebezelayo futhi uzilolongela ubuso bakhe bokungibheka esibukweni nsuku zonke. Igama lakhe kungaba uSpencer noma uKai, Nathan noma Chardonnay, kodwa ngizombiza ngoShithead.

Umngani kaShithead umtshela ngomsebenzi ehhovisi lakhe. “Kufana nje nokuthengiswa kwezingcingo obukwenza kusukela esikoleni. Wenza nje la ma-tosser amakhompyutha athathe imisebenzi angayifuni. Iholo liyimfucumfucu futhi umqashi uyimpatho futhi uzoxoshwa uma weqa okuhlosiwe, kodwa wenza iphakethe ngokuthunywa”. U-Shithead unesizungu ngabantu ababandayo mayelana ne-com-en-sation futhi le lark yokuqasha isho ukuthi angavuka kamuva., ngakho uyawuthatha umsebenzi.

Umlingiswa wethu ujabulela usuku lwakhe lokuqala kwa-24-7-Synergistic-Cyber-Resourcing-International Ltd.. Kuyihhovisi elinesevisi e-Readingstoke, yonke i-plasticky ne-naff, egcwele izinqe njengaye ongazi lutho nge-IT. Ongamele lesi sidleke se-villany ngumnikazi wenkampani, UMnu Bastard. “I-Bastard endala iwazi wonke amaqhinga” kuhleba insizwa etafuleni elilandelayo, "funda kuye uzolenza iphakethe". Banikeza i-Shithead i-PC ye-crap, ucingo, i-akhawunti eku-LinkedIn kanye nesizindalwazi sochwepheshe be-IT abakhiphe isizinda somsebenzi ngesonto eledlule. Ngemuva kokuqeqeshwa kwamahora ambalwa unikeze umsebenzi omubi abebezama ukuwugcwalisa amasonto futhi wayala ukuthi aqoqe inhliziyo yakhe encane.. “Ayikho ingcindezi” bemtshela, "Kodwa uxoshiwe uma ungamtholi umuntu".

Wonke lawo magama e-IT ahlekisayo awasho lutho kuShithead kodwa uthayipha ambalwa kusizindalwazi sakhe. Uthola ukuthi kunenqwaba yomentshisi uma eshiya ibhokisi “lendawo” lingenalutho. Ikhafula uhlu lwabo bonke ochwepheshe kubuchwepheshe obufana ne-“L-U-N-I-X”, "Dogger" kanye "Curriculum Vitae". Esebenzisa amazwi amnandi abanye bamfundisa, ubhala i-imeyili. “L@@K! I-L.U.N.I.X ninja Dogger rockstar iyadingeka ngephrojekthi yokuthuthela endaweni eluhlaza e-London. Shayela imininingwane!!!”.

Uyakushiya ukusho ukuthi indima ingamakhilomitha ayikhulu ngaphandle kwaseLondon. Olwandle. Kumkhumbi-ngwenya ovuthayo ogcwele i-ebola nezingwe ezidlayo. “Awufuni ukudikibalisa muntu” kucabanga uShithead.

Ngokuchofoza inkinobho uyithumela emidlalweni eyinkulungwane.

Ngemuva kwesigamu sehora akekho osaphendulile. Okubi kakhulu, kunomlayezo obhampayo ovela kumgodi othile obambekile othi uvinjiwe. Uzama ukuphikisana nomlayezo obhampayo, esabisa ngokuyibika emaphoyiseni e-inthanethi ngokunciphisa iFreedom of Expression yakhe. “Sifuna ukwenza i-nuffink kabi” kububula u-Shithead.

Uphoxekile ngokuthi akekho owazisa i-imeyili yakhe enhle usula yonke inkundla yokusesha, ikhetha konke 50,000 kochwepheshe be-IT kusizindalwazi bese uchofoza okuthi “thumela” futhi.

Izimpendulo ziqala ukuvela. “Lahla wena mathupha” kuthethisa ochwepheshe be-IT, "Yeka ukungimoshela isikhathi". Kodwa uShithead uqeqeshelwe lokhu futhi unamathisele kwezinye izimpendulo ezisemathinini. “Ubungeke yini uhambe ukuze uthole ithuba elihle kangaka?” uyakhala. "Bengingeke ngiwenze kahle umsebenzi wami uma ngingakutshelanga ngawo wonke lamathuba amahle". “Yebo ngiyazi ukuthi uthe awunantshisekelo kodwa awufuni ukwazi ngemali yethu yokutholwa engu-£50?”

Abantu abambalwa bathumela ama-CV kodwa ama-acronyms abo awahambelani nohlu oluku-speccal ngakho uyawafaka. "Izimosheli zesikhathi" ebhodla, “Sifuna uchwepheshe wesizinda se-ninja rockstar e-L.U.N.I.X, hhayi lobu buhlanya buka Ubuntu”. Uma izicelo zomile aqale afonele abantu kwi-database. "Lokho akuhlangene nesethi yami yamakhono" abantu balokhu besho. "Sengikutshele izikhathi ezinhlanu ukuthi angifuni inkontileka". Ubaxaka noma kanjani baze babeke ucingo phansi noma bavume bese bamthumelela i-CV.

Ekugcineni omunye umphefumulo ompofu uwina umdlalo webhingo efinyeziwe. Unamathisele i-CV yabo kusifanekiso senkampani, ukonakalisa ukufometha nokufihla ubunikazi babo njengoba nje uMnu Bastard amfundisa. "Ungawafuni ama-arseholes ahamba ngemuva kwethu" uBastard uyamkhumbuza.

Ngemva kokuchitha izinsuku eziyishumi iklayenti licela inhlolokhono. Ngeshwa umfakisicelo uthole umsebenzi kwenye indawo. “Ungakhathazeki” uMnu Bastard emtshela, "vele ukhethe enye ngokuzenzakalelayo bese uyithumela". Insizwa iqashiwe futhi uShithead uthola ikhomishini encane. Ushaye into abeyibhekise kuye futhi ngeke axoshwe kule nyanga. "I'm sure uzoyithanda lapho" ehleka kancane ucingo, uyaziqhenya ngendlela ahlakaniphe ngayo.

UMnu Bastard ubizela uShithead ehhovisi lakhe. “Wenze kahle uShithead osemncane, kade sizama ukugcwalisa lowo msebenzi amasonto. Wenze kanjani?”. U-Shithead ucabanga ngezinkulungwane zabantu abafake ogaxekile. “Yebo, kahle, Ngimuhle impela ekukhangiseni ithalente". UMnu Bastard umnyusela eqenjini lenkontileka. “Yilapho imali yangempela ikhona” kuchaza u-Old Bastard, “labo sonkontileka benza iphakethe. Okuhle kakhulu ukuthi asisawenzi omunye umsebenzi ngemuva kokuwathola kodwa lawo makhasimende angama-dumbfuck kufanele asikhokhele 15% yesilinganiso sosuku kuze kube phakade!”

Ezinyangeni eziyisithupha kamuva uShithead usefunde konke mayelana nokuqashwa kwe-IT. “Ubeke” inqwaba yosonkontileka kanye ne-247SCRI Ltd (baqamba kabusha ngemuva kwalelo bhizinisi nomuntu ofile kanye namahlosi) uzuza okubili okuhle ngosuku ngezithelo zomsebenzi wakhe. Uqashe i-BMW futhi uphonsa imali yakhe ezindaweni zokugeza. Wafunda ukuphamba amaklayenti, ukuvuna ama-CV ngokukhangisa imisebenzi mbumbulu, ukukhohlisa abafake izicelo, ukwenza sengathi “umele” othile ongakaze ezwe ngaye nokuthi angakuthulisa kanjani ukugxekwa kwemikhuba yakhe engabazekayo ngokugomela, cishe, "akekho omunye onenkinga wiv it".

Ufunde nendlela yokugoqa okunye kokuthunywa kwakhe eshubhu kanye nalo, phakamisa elinye phezulu emakhaleni akhe. Ngakho-ke uShithead oqinisiwe uphila ngokuqiniseka okuphelele ukuthi uyisipho sikaNkulunkulu embonini ye-IT. “I wuz doin’ you a favour” etshela abantu abambamba ngomgunyathi besebenzisa iCV yabo, "bese ungiqabula izinqe ngoba awusoze wawuthola umsebenzi kulomuzi wivvout my 'elp".

Kodwa uShithead akasona isilima esiphelele. Ubehola ingcebo nge-247SCRI kanti u-Old Bastard uzigcinela yena okuningi. Ubala ukuthi umfana kumele enzeni. “Kor!” Kucabanga uShithead, “Ngingakwenza lokho. Kuzobiza i-nufink ukuqalisa futhi uma ngihamba ngesivinini yibo abayizigodi ze-IT abalahlekelwayo.”

Emahoreni ambalwa kamuva uShithead usefake imininingwane egciniwe, ubhalise inkampani yakhe entsha (“Shithead-E-Web-Interglobal-Talent-Solutions”) futhi ngathola abaklami bewebhu abangaphesheya ukuze bamakhele iwebhusayithi. “Yenze kubukeke kusemthethweni ngempela” ebatshela, ngakho-ke bayigcwalisa ngezithombe zesitoko ze-skylines yedolobha kanye nabantu ababukeka bebucayi-emsebenzini.

NgoMsombuluko ekuseni u-Shithead usebenza ngendlela yakhe ohlwini lwamakhasimende antshontshiwe. Uyazi ukuthi i-ejensi yakhe yakudala yayikhokhisa ini ngakho kulula ukuwanciphisa. Uphinde wabiza abaqashi bakudala ukuthi baphenye ngemisebenzi angayikhangisa, ukucekela phansi imisebenzi embalwa kule nqubo. “Ha” uyacabanga, "miningi imisebenzi engizoyigcwalisa".

Ezinyangeni eziyisithupha kamuva ibhizinisi liyachuma futhi uShithead uzizwa eziqhenya kakhulu ngaye. Ushintsha iBMW athenge i-Aston Martin, ukhokhela i-accountant engalungile ukuthi ipheke izincwadi futhi igcwalise ihhovisi elinesevisi ngamakhanda amancane. Bafunda kungcweti futhi abazimisele kakhulu bandizela ngokushesha isidleke baye kwabaqalayo. Ama-ejensi amasha ayisigidi ayaqhakaza.

Ukuze Uthando LukaNkulunkulu Luqede Lokhu Kuhlasela

Imboni yezobuchwepheshe yase-UK igaqa ngama-parasites afana ne-Shithead. Sithethelela ukuziphatha kwabo okubi ngokucabanga ukuthi izigebengu ezizimele; lezo esingazange sizibambe oqotsheni kumele zicwebezele. Lapho i-shitlist yami idlula izizinda eziyikhulu ngathola ukuzibona ukuqashwa kwezobuchwepheshe kuyimboni ebole ngokuphelele. Kuyisiphepho esiphelele sezikhuthazo ezihlanekezelwe, izithiyo eziphansi zokungena kanye nokulawulwa okuncane ngemali eyanele ehlehlayo ukuheha inhlupho yabantu abaphakathi abangenasimilo..

Ngiqedile nezinkampani zokuqasha. 90% yomsebenzi wami (futhi 100% lomsebenzi engiwuthandile) iza ngomlomo kodwa cishe wonke amandla ami okuthola umsebenzi amosheka ngalezi zindlela. Ngaphandle uma ulambile (noma ujabulele ukuqanjelwa amanga nokuqolwa) awakufanelekeli ukuhlukunyezwa kwebanga lezikhali okungapheli.

Ama-imeyili abo agcwele ubuxhwanguxhwangu angena ngqo kudoti. Bonke abanye ugqinsi, baqiniseke ngobuhlakani babo kangangokuthi imiyalelo ayisebenzi.

Kubaqashi - cela abasebenzi bakho ukuthi bakusize uthole ukuqashwa okusha. Nikeza i-bouty - eyanele ukuze uthole ukunaka kwabo, isho iholo lamabili. Incane kakhulu kune-Shithead engabiza. Futhi izikhuthazo zabo zonke zinhle: akekho ozoqasha isilima uma kufanele asebenze eduze kwakhe futhi abasebenzi abasha abanobudlelwano bomphakathi eqenjini lakho maningi amathuba okuthi bahlale. Uzomangala ukuthi lokhu kungasebenza kanjani.

Kubasebenzi engisebenza nabo bakwa-IT - ungaweli embonweni wokuthi abaqashi bawububi obudingekayo. Vimba ama-imeyili abo. Vimba yabo izingcingo. Hlala uxhumene nozakwenu abadala. Funda ukwenza inethiwekhi. Joyina amaqembu, i-boardsand nezinhlu zokuposa zensimu yakho futhi ukhumbule ukuposa kuzo lapho uzama ukuqasha. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ugcwalisa umsebenzi ngengosi yakho yezokuxhumana umqashi uyalamba. Khumbula, uma ukhipha imali eningi ohlelweni lwendalo lokuqasha ama-Shitheads ambalwa engawasekela.

Uma kufanele ubhekane nama-ejenti, buza konke abakushoyo. Noma ngabe kuhle kangakanani bangase babonakale bekhumbula ukuthi abakhuthazwa ukwenza ukwethembeka. Akubona umngane wakho. Thola izithembiso (kanye nencazelo yomsebenzi) ngokubhala. Hlola ngqo namakhasimende ukuthi i-ejenti iyawamela yini. Ngaphambi kokuthi usayine noma yini qhathanisa amanothi neklayenti ukuze uthole ukuthi liyini inani le-ejenti ngempela; ngokuvamile bazoqamba amanga kini nobabili ukuze nikhiphe isiqephu esikhulu. Uma ubamba omunye ekhohlisa memezela ukuthi abanye bazoxwaya. Xhumana neklayenti (ithiphu ye-pro: qonda ngqo kwa-HR) ukubatshela ukuthi kwenzakalani. Okungenzeka ukuthi bazomangala ngendlela abamelwe ngayo. Cela uchwepheshe afunde inkontileka yakho (abaqashi abaningi abanalwazi ngomthetho wenkontileka) futhi ubuze wonke amagama anzima. Hamba uma bebeka izaba zokungaxoxisana. Uma ungusonkontileka futhi ngomzuzu wokugcina bona funa ukubona i-ID yakho (iphasiphothi, ilayisense yokushayela) yenqaba; abanalo ilungelo lakho.

Okubaluleke kakhulu - ube nomgogodla. Uma isikhwama se-sleazebag sizama ukukudonsela phezu kwakho ungasivumeli ukuthi sishelele. Ungavumeli iqulu labantu abaphakathi nendawo abanolaka ukuba bacebe ngokucekela phansi imboni yethu.

Ungaphakeli isilwane.

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